The article below was written by Tolu Ayorinde.
Friends, Let me add the benefit of my time as a student and then
resident in the UK - and I live in Lagos now. The first thing that I
discovered about UK-born,white, English undergraduates was that all of
them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves - including the
children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there -
regardless how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that
virtually all other foreign students did the same - the exception being
those of us status-conscious Nigerians.
I also watched Richard
Branson (owner of Virgin Airline)speaking on the Biography Channel and,
to my amazement, he said that his young children travel in the economy
class -even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class.
Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound Sterling. A quick survey would
show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to
commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do this.
There
is no aircraft attached to the office of the prime minister in the UK -
he travels on BA. And the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not
have an aircraft for her exclusive use. These practices simply become
the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the
car that Kate Middleton(the lady soon to marry Prince William) drives?
VW Golf or something close to it. But there's one core difference them
and us(generally speaking). They (even the billionaires among them) work
for their money,we steal ours!
If we want our children to bring
about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear
country, then please, please let's begin now and teach them to work hard
so they can stand alone and most importantly be content, and not having
to "steal", which seem to be the norm these days. "30
is the new 18", which seem to be the new age for testing out the world
in Nigeria now. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted
mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria. At age 18
years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches of his/her
parents for the University, chances are, that's the last time those
parents will ever play "landlord" to their son or daughter except of
course the occasional home visits during the academic year.
At
21 years and above or below, the now fully grown and independent minded
adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets a job
and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into becoming
fully fledged adults. I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that
is because the UK economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs
are everywhere? I beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out. I
am UK trained Recruitment Consultant and I have been practicing for the
past 10 years in Nigeria. I have a broad range of experience from
recruiting graduates to executive director level of large corporations.
In addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively
privileged upbringing. Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed
for me, was barred from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so
that I could concentrate on studying for my exams?! BUT, I got the
opportunity to live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I
came back home to stay was for 3 months before I got married!
Am
I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their children
at age 18? No, not at all, of course, I enjoyed the savings that I made
from living on and off at my parent's house in London - indeed that is
the primary reason for my being able to buy myself a 3 bedroom flat in
London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial help from my
parents!
For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was
ever enough for my ifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton's or Victoria
Beckham's. Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never
worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying "only" first or
business class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria 's
Secret underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo's, fully paid for by their
"loving" parents.
I often get calls from anxious parents, my son
graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please
assist! Oh really! So where exactly is this "child" is my usual
question. Why are you the one making this call dad/mum? I am yet to get a
satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances are that big boy
is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad's
spanking new SUV with enough "pocket money" to put your salary to
shame. It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old who has NEVER
worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but "earns" a six figure
"salary" from parents for doing absolutely nothing.
I see them in
my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skills to
sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad's secretary in the
office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven
to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get
to the inevitable question - so, what salary are you looking to earn?
Answer comes straight out - N250,000.00. I ask if that is per month or
per annum.
Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you
should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current
pocket money is N200,000.00 and I feel that an employer should be able
to pay me more than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself, over
parenting is in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian
youth. It is at the root of our national malaise. We have a youth
population of tens of millions of who are being "breastfed and
diapered" well into their 30s.
Even though the examples I have
given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns
can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa! Wake up mum! Wake up dad! You
are practically loving your children to death! No wonder corruption
continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been
brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a birth right.
I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over
20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even
consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to
think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them to
succeed without your "help".
Take a moment to
think back to your own time as a young man/woman, what if someone had
kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are today? No tree grows
well under another tree, children that are not exposed to challenges,
don't cook well. That is why you see adults complaining, "my parents
didn't buy clothes for me this christmas", ask him/her how old-30+.
Because of the challenges we faced in our youth, we are where and what
we today, this syndrome- my children will not suffer what I suffered is
destroying our tomorrow. Deliberately reduce their allowance or
mum-don't cook on Saturday till late afternoon or evening-do as occasion
deserve.
I learnt the children of a former Nigerian head of
state with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go
about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several times
because of the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will
quickly pack them and off they go, what a life. No one wants to marry
them. Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to
keep your mind young.- Henry Ford. Hard work does not kill, everything
in Nigeria is going down, including family settings. It is time to cook
our children, preparing them for tomorrow. We are approaching the season
in Nigeria where only the RUGGED, will survive. How will your ward
fare?
If the present generation of Nigerian pilots
retire, will you fly a plane flown by a young Nigerian pilot, If trained
in Nigeria? People now have first class, who cannot spell GRADUATE or
read an article without bomb blast! Which Way Nigeria!, Which Way
Nigerians!
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